After talking to them the other day, my kids got together at my eldest son’s house last night to talk. Around 11pm or so (give or take a bit, I don’t recall), they called and asked my spouse to go over. I was specifically asked not to come.
She got home after I was in bed so we didn’t chat much then. And this morning, I got up to do my Saturday electrolysis appointment. When I got back home around 11am, no one was here. She had left a note saying she had gone to breakfast with my daughter.
Shortly after this my eldest son called and asked to come over. Initially, he tried to browbeat me a bit with how much pain I was going to be causing everyone else. When he saw that wasn’t working, he informed me that I “better” be sure that I took care of my spouse, in what felt like a threatening tone. I sat him down and informed him of a lot of things that he probably never knew and told him it was never my intent to leave her but that if she leaves me, it’s her choice and he better remember that.
He then informed me that I was not welcome to see his children (my grandchildren) anymore at all under any circumstances. He said he “might” change his mind later but gave no promises. He then informed me that he has never seen my youngest son this angry before and that neither my youngest son nor his spouse had any wish to speak to me again, at least at the current time. Finally, he let me know that my daughter, while still supporting me, is very confused and struggling with all this (which I knew).
I asked specifically about their spouses and he reiterated that my youngest son’s wife is very upset and does not want to talk to me. My daughter’s husband is taking things calmly and is mostly concerned about my daughter. My eldest son’s wife is alternately crying and in shock. I’m curious about why this is such a bad thing for her but I doubt I’ll get a clear answer about that.
So today is a lousy day and it’s going to be a lousy week. Oh, my son also informed me that he invited a common friend over and told him everything too without giving me a chance to come out to that friend. And further, my son demanded that I talk to my next younger brother “soon” or he would. While he claims he wants to maintain a relationship between us, it was obvious there was a lot of hostility there.
I’m expecting my daughter to cave under familial pressure and restrict me from seeing her children as well. I hope I am wrong about that. Thinking back, the last thing I got to do with my son’s and my daughter’s children was to watch the movie “Brave” together while holding the youngest one in my lap. That movie will always hold a special place for me because of that.
Liz - Day By Day 
First of all, Liz, I want to thank you for all of your kind words of encouragement that you have given me via my blog, especially in light of your own sorrow. I can’t possibly know the grief that you feel and I won’t pretend I do, yet it breaks my heart to read your post and I pray that circumstances do not break your resolve to see this through. It really SUCKS, no doubt about it, because your family has chosen to make this about their feelings and not about how you must feel about their negative reaction to your pronouncement. You are not the cause of their pain, they are choosing their pain over the joy that they could be sharing with you and there is an opportunity to change things around even though you have yet to see in what form it will manifest. I am visualizing a miracle, if you don’t mind!
With love, Deanna Joy
Thank you, Deanna. This has been an ongoing wound that just doesn’t want to fully heal. I try to leave it be but this one hurts a lot. Mostly I just focus on other things, and on some really amazing close friends who keep me going. I hope for a miracle too. Thank you.