It’s a new year with new hopes but 2012 did not go quietly into the night. December turned into a difficult month for me as my mother died a few weeks before Christmas. What had been planned as a trip home to spend time with my mother got rescheduled to become a trip home to mourn her passing. As I am nowhere near full time yet, this final trip for my mother was done in male mode, also to not bring that issue full face into so many people’s consciousness while they were mourning her.
Then my spouse elected to fly north again and spend Christmas with her family, leaving me alone for the holidays for the first time since I was stationed in Germany as a soldier 34 years previously. My daughter did have me over for Christmas eve dinner though and I greatly appreciated that, as well as my youngest son and his wife showing up at that dinner and being polite to me. My eldest son chose not to interact with me at all during the holidays other than to drop off a gift the week before, say a few words, then depart.
So there was plenty of time to mourn my mother, and my own failure to reveal myself to her. I’m pretty sure she would have loved me and supported me nonetheless, but now it’s something I’ll never get to do or share with her.
With the arrival of the new year, my primary supporters sent me positive messages and continue to cheer me on. I came out to a few more friends, who accepted me as well.
There’s much on the horizon for 2013. I expect to be pursuing my divorce by this fall, if all goes as I expect. Once that is done I can finally begin really moving forward with my own plans. In the meanwhile, I continue to do basic things, facial electrolysis, bought a new wig, expand my feminine wardrobe, and just enjoy expressing myself without false male constraints.