Yesterday was a bit unusual for me. You see, I often have my GT appointments on Thursday afternoons but my electrolysis session is Saturday morning, meaning Wednesday is the last day I can shave. And yesterday was a GT appointment but I didn’t feel like changing into guy clothes. For clarification, I work about 90% from home and at home I dress in about 90% female clothing. Most everything I wear is female except I own a large number of guy’s T-shirts (some of which could be considered women’s T-shirts too but that’s subjective).
So as the time came to leave for my appointment, I decided to just run with it, totally genderqueer, and see what happened. Out the door I went wearing female tennis shoes, jeans, panties (obviously not visible), a probably gender neutral T-shirt, a woman’s cream colored sweater, a black cap that is pretty feminine, and carrying my purse. Now note that I was definitely not passing as female while doing this. I got a few looks on the highway but at those speeds I’m not sure what someone was thinking.
When I arrived at my GT’s office building, I simply got out, locked the car, and walked to the elevator. I got one totally curious look from one man and a few glances from a couple women, but not specific comments. My GT commented positively about what I was wearing and I explained my mindset on that to which she said that she liked how I was handling this. I told her I simply decided that I wasn’t going to be afraid of myself generally, though I still go out of my way to present all male at work (for obvious reasons) on those few days that I do go into the office. We had a good session and on the way out I got looks from a few women on that floor en route to the elevator and then in the elevator, a woman looked at me and simply said, “You look good!” I grinned ear to ear at her comment, thanked her, and we went our separate ways once the elevator reached the first floor. On the way out of the building an older gentleman in a suit saw me and had a definite “what the…” type moment and expression on his face but again, nothing was said. I very specifically looked him right in the eye and smiled. He smiled back weakly and then went on his way.
Getting home this reinforced wise words that I’ve read at Laura’s Playground over and over – most of our fears come from within. Yes, there’s a risk someone might get physically violent but since I’m not entering spaces where that is likely, I think the chances of that are low. Otherwise what’s the worst that can happen? Someone points at you? Turn and look them right in the eye and smile. I’ll bet they either fade into the crowd or change their tune and approach you in a more honest and friendly manner.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are!