I am a transgender woman who has spent her entire life struggling with this fact. I’ve lived my life as male, constructing and living in the persona expected of me by society but I have never been comfortable or happy in that role. Now, finally, with the help of loving friends and a patient therapist, I am beginning to face and embrace my true self. This blog attempts to chronicle that journey.
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Liz - Day By Day 
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You are both a very educated woman and a very attractive woman. I want you to know that because it is important for you to know that.
My experiences were not quite the same; allow me to share. I was born in 1956; I was inter-sexed female but erroneously assigned male at birth. There was nothing available to me growing up – or at least the family that raised me kept me ignorant of those options.
I began my transition in 1974 and progressed through similar stages. I had lots of body hair as a boy but facial hair did not develop until early 20s (then it was 5 o’clock shadow at noon) so my first adult endocrinologist told me that I could never make it as female. Ah, my estrogen receptor sites hadn’t been used until then. I feminised as soon as I got on estrogen. My male body hair fell out and became female pattern; electrolysis was a breeze (only needed to eliminate the facial hair).
I studied at medical school as much to learn about my circumstance (inter-sex) as to learn about medical science overall. Dr. Paul MacDonald (University of Arizona) is among the doctors who made everything clear.
Social Security Administration had no issue changing my file in 1978 when I obtained a corrected SS card for my female identity. I was so elated at what seems such a simple result.
My state recognised I was female before I had any operations so they affirmed my female status in 1980 – first thing I did was get my new drivers licence at MVD. This, too, was a milestone for my memory.
I began transitioning from male to female at that same time – I began to change to female as I left my male life behind. My work life was the most difficult to change because I did not want to leave where I was employed as a male. That decision would be made for me.
I had an exploratory procedure (1982) to resolve internal anatomy and a corrective operation in 1983.
I basically lived my subsequent years in quiet anonymity until this past March when it seemed there were an abundance of news items about transsexuality (sorry, old parlance; I go back to being labelled ‘feminine protesting’ terminology of the 1950s and 1960s). I posted some comments to those news sites and was hit by a barrage of hate. I awoke from my Rip van Winkle slumber and browsed the Internet. Wow, there is so much available today that did not exist 35 years ago (duh).
SSA has been my bugaboo. They messed my record some time during the early 1980s. My employer caught my name on the SSA discrepancy report issued to the employer. My supervisor called me to her office and told me that she was going to do everything she could to fire me because I am a sex change; my supervisor guessed I was a female employed as a male only because SSA reported me as female and that was where I was still working as male. She violated my privacy; she spread gossip about me at work; it hurt when I heard whispers of ‘She’s a he’ and ‘No, he’s a she.’ wherever I went (though it was humourous some could not get it correct).
Skip to recent times – SSA attacked again. AGH! This time it was nonsense following their ‘9 / 11’ overload. SSA reverted me to my old name and male identity. I went back to court (2007) at SSA’s instruction, got another state affirmation of my female sex, name change, and change to my birth certificate. I took that court order to SSA but they refuse to changed my sex despite providing exactly what they demanded.
Along the way I got fired again (2008). That employer fired me on their charge that I am a male working there as a female. They really got that wrong! I’ve been female full-time and forever since June 1985.
I’ve been to SSA many times during the past few years trying to get them to correct their errors. I went again twice this year to try talking sense at least to five more agents – still no luck. My current endocrinologist wrote another letter to SSA re-stating that I have been legally female since 1980. I refuse to drop my shorts to SSA!
I have been enjoying browsing and reading your posts and blogs.
I pray that your foreign travel goes well. I’d be scared of that. You have so much courage!
PS: I read through your recipes. I can make them healthier by skipping the salt, sugar, and oils. Unless you make yoghourt home-made, I’d also skip that or substitute with sour cream that is only milk. Most store yoghourt is a chemistry set. I’ll share more of that at another time.
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I personally go light on the salt but list the original recipe salt as it was when I found the recipe. But I strive to stay below 75% of the recommended daily allowance of salt, or lower if I can.
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Allow additional random comments as I browse your blog site.
I noted that your ‘re-birth’ day is near my birthday therefore I bequeath my gift to you in spirit all the best for a successfull event. I was both nervous and overwhelmed as my surgery team rolled me into the operating room, stuck that IV needle into my vein, and I counted down the final seconds of my male life. I awoke hours later to my new life as Sharon. I have no regrets. You will know you are deciding what is best for you when you realise that you have no regrets. Get a tablet that does audio and video recordings. If your medical team allow it, assemble an audio of your favourite music, sounds, voice recordings of family and friends to hear while you are ‘under’; use your tablet for playback. Those audio tracks will also help during recovery room. Post-op days, weeks, months, even years are quite overwhelming. Absorb all your emotions, save them for your memories, and share them with your family, friends, and counsellor; ah, hey, make a video if that’s what you want to do. Do what your doctors tell you and all will be well. If you came from the extreme of self-abhorrence, you will enjoy your new self more than you can ever imagine from your current perspective. Experiment and explore however it makes you comfortable; you are now in control. Your regular female medical examinations will be new at first: don’t ever let them become old or routine, be certain your gynecologist uses warm water and offers the mirror to you, take her advice because you and your female anatomy will now be susceptible to all the same maladies as any female, report whatever is wrong as well as whatever is right. You are quite fortuneate to have friends and family with you or at least with you in spirit; they have more value than all the riches in the world.
Enjoy!
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Thank you!