Six Days Later

It’s now been almost a week since I came out to my adult children. My grandchildren are now apparently no longer considered safe around me and I’ve been cut off from them. My daughter sends me messages but the boys have been nearly silent. My eldest did call and ask about seeing a movie this coming weekend but that was it, no chatter, no talk. It feels like he is going through the motions. My younger son called for his mother and when I answered the phone there was a notable pause before he spoke again, asking if she were there. When I said no and asked if I could pass on a message, he indicated not. I then said I would tell her he called and at that point he hung up.

Today twice I went to enter my own bedroom and was chased out by my wife. The first time she was writing, keeping a journal that I apparently wasn’t supposed to know about. The second time she was on the phone with someone and gave me the nastiest look I can ever recall getting from her in all our years together. She keeps saying that no one is talking behind my back or plotting against me and I want to believe that but this isolation is wearing thin and her own actions now make me question things. What needs to be hidden from me so completely?

I’m beginning to think that I’m eventually going to have to consider moving out on my own or go crazy from the latent hostility and isolation from those I was closest to before this. The funny thing is that I am still the same person I was before I revealed my innermost self to them, yet that revelation has completely altered all our relationships and I am not the one that has changed. I’ve not begun hormones yet, nor extensively altered my physical appearance, yet just telling them the truth has caused them to harden their hearts towards me.

I’m left disappointed in ways that surprise me. Transgenders are often told that the worst discrimination comes from immediate family. It certainly seems true in this case.

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4 thoughts on “Six Days Later

  1. *
    I’m not certain what to write or how to write it.

    The end of your third paragraph and your fourth paragraph spoke far more volumes that your immediate words.

    It is a sad wake-up call when the people we expect are our loved ones are instead the people who hate us the most. They blame us for making them confront their petty prejudices.

    I can feel your pain in your words. You invested so much in what you expected to be a close family and they refused to return the love you gave to them.

    Perhaps the lack of a close family made my change easy, in comparison. They still blamed me for offending them, but their accusations were pointless. I can’t suggest anyone close the door on such people; I don’t hold my breath, but I would be happy if one of them came around to me in the future.

    On the other hand, I feel your joy that you have a great circle of friends and ‘spiritual family’ who support you.

    *

    • A cliche, a saying, that is nonetheless true goes something like this – Some people come into our lives for a time, to teach us something. Some people come into our lives to stay always. And which group you assume someone might be in is often not the case.

  2. *
    Allow this comment about an exchange I had at a bulletin board a couple days ago when a woman posted that ‘all transsexuals’ are ‘pervs’ (her words and term). That exchange relates to your first paragraph – parents who wrongfully identify transsexuals as dangerous to be around children.

    I replied that heterosexual males are more likely ‘pervs’. I gave my own family as an example while noting that my family likewise does not constitute the whole either.

    Life behind closed doors at home was hell. My father goaded my sister to beat, bully, taunt, and molest me – acts that no child has the mentality to do on her own to another child.

    Yet here was my dad, the Catholic parish’s Director of Religious Education. Our Diocese considered him the well-respected pillar of the community. My dad worked closely with the parish’s youth priest whose assignments included the youth Mass, youth choir, and youth activities.

    That priest’s residence was within our neighbourhood. Local children played in his yard and inside his home.

    A few years ago, legal authorities ordered the diocese admit the history of that paedophile priest and publicly list him as a paedophile priest One’s worst imagination now knows what happened inside that priest’s home.

    And I am left with the thought that my dad knew about that priest and did nothing.

    I questioned that woman about her comments and about what I presented to her. That woman on her web-site persisted calling me ‘perv’.
    *

    • My rule of thumb is that people who have decided to hate us for irrational (superstitious) reasons will never change their minds when faced with logic and facts. The only thing that changes such minds (and hearts) is a very personal, very strong epiphany that really hits home personally in an emotional or spiritual way. If that doesn’t happen, they never change, so while it is disappointing, that woman’s reaction is what I would have expected.

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