Coming out to adult children

The day before yesterday I came out to my adult children. The reactions were ones of shock, to a degree but mixed after that. All of them were initially confused and I tried to answer what questions I could.

My eldest son emphasized that he’d looked up to me all his life and that he’d learned honor and dedication to his spouse from me. He then chastised me for all the pain and embarrassment I was going to cause others. I didn’t retaliate or push back with the pain and shame I’ve lived with my entire life. I doubt he would have heard what I said anyway.

My youngest son listened for a while then exploded in anger at me, calling me the most selfish person he’s ever met and verbally blasting me between invoking God and using expletives to make his point. It wasn’t a pretty or friendly sight and he sat there and seethed afterwards until they all agreed to leave.

My daughter was the most gracious. She emphasized that she still loves me, loves both myself and my spouse as her parents, and expressed her concern for her mother. After the boys left she stayed, hugged me, and we even talked about clothes as I showed off a few of my things to her.

All of this was last night. Today she sent me a text message just to say she loves me. My eldest son came by and took my wife to breakfast. When he returned, he didn’t bother coming in to say hello.

I’m afraid that my youngest son and his spouse are going to cut me off entirely. I fear I may not get to speak to him or her much at all going forward, except when they feel it is necessary. My eldest son I am less certain about but I fear that he too is going to slide away from me and distance himself from me but that remains to be seen.

I also came out via email to a longtime friend. She was both surprised but supportive and happy for me. I’ve known her for many years and though she lives several states away, I’ve always felt that she was someone trustworthy. My instincts were not wrong this time. That brings to two the number of close female friends who I’ve revealed myself to and who have accepted me.


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