An Update For April 2016

I’ve not had a lot to write about here on my blog this year. Life as me is settling down quite nicely. There’s no change on the family front. My eldest son remains estranged, by his own choice. My youngest son remains distant. My daughter and I grow closer, or at least it feels that way to me. She’s also undergoing some trying times in her life, as her husband has finally received the heart transplant he’s needed for so long. They’re on a long road back to a reasonably normal life but that process has begun, with all its fits, stops, starts along the way trying her patience and strength. Yet she perseveres as the amazing and strong young woman that she is. I am proud of her.

My siblings continue to not speak to me or respond to attempts to communicate. Their failure to respond tells me all  I need to know about how they feel about me. That’s their choice, not mine.

I continue to watch with anger and sadness as the Republican party actively scapegoats transgender women, trying to paint a series of lies as the basis for denying out civil rights. What boggles my mind even further is that there are trans women, almost all older, who still cling to their conservative Republican politics despite their own party trying to disenfranchise, dehumanize, and scapegoat them personally. It must take a really special form of lying to yourself to make yourself believe that being a Republican makes any sense whatsoever as a trans women in 2016. It’s delusional. And it appears, to me, to be symptomatic of our pre-transition lives and our desire to lie to ourselves. This will likely piss off some right wing trans women. Don’t like it? Stop reading or pull your head out of your ass. The GOP is the party of hate, bigotry, lies, and scapegoating others. There’s no way around that fact. A trans woman supporting the GOP in 2016 is like a Jew supporting the Nazis in 1936. It’s stupid and it goes against your own self-interest in the extreme.

The last “medical” thing on my transition list was also my first – facial hair removal. That process continues and we continue to make progress but it’s also not done yet. I’m at 81 hours in the chair at E3000 up in Lewisville, Texas, and I expect several more sessions yet though they continue to get shorter and shorter, and cost less and less each time.

I bought a bathing suit and I think it looks great. Yes, it’s a one piece. No, I don’t know if I’ll have the nerve to try a bikini. It’s OK! Laugh at me. I’m laughing too at this topic!

And finally, my tax liability for the crazy 2015, in which I pulled money from a retirement account to complete my surgeries, appears to have been less than I expected. I thank the experts at H&R Block for that assistance. Next year I can return to doing my taxes myself as they’ll be much simpler again.

There are still things on my plate for this year. Julie and I are talking about a road trip, maybe, to see some friends this summer. Ren Fest will be next fall again and I hope to see people there too.

Life goes on, and for me, finally, it’s a life that doesn’t have thoughts of suicide and worthlessness every few days the way I did for decades before facing my own truths. Here’s to hoping that each of you can find that level of peace too.

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One thought on “An Update For April 2016

  1. *

    You can mark one more success, whether minor or tentative or real, that you and your daughter and her husband are welcoming you into their family, considering all the grief you have been experiencing within your circle of immediate and extended family.

    It was heart-breaking reading of your family difficulties in your 2015 year-end post (‘Looking Back at 2015’ – especially September and October), Facebook, and other communications especially because last year certainly contained much for you to celebrate yet your family were least among your support.

    Bad enough that family’s find all sorts of excuses to reject or minimize another member. The sadness for you comes that, in part of your past of last year, you wrote how your family rejected you most entirely because of what you and others can correctly identify as a ‘medical’ issue.

    You demonstrated your unconditional love for your family through thick and thin as you present that one’s medical circumstances are not a reason to reject them. – e.g., your son-in-law’s current medical crisis. You are standing with them and supporting them.

    If not quite yet, soon enough your family beyond your daughter and her husband will need to take stock of your generosity. They may have options for many choices, the best is if they can finally comprehend your good and that they will welcome you back into their lives.

    Peace to you.

    (:-)

    *

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