Some Good Things

I’ve been neglecting the blog here a bit, except for that political piece yesterday, for over a month. But I should mention several good things going on.

HRT under the new estrogen regimen is working much better than under the old. I’m seeing rapid changes now that I like. A year ago, I still had a fairly boney male ass. Today, I have a nice rear end back there! Breast development is accelerating finally. Body shape is changing. Overall weight is only down about 7 pounds since I began HRT 19 months ago but the body shape continues to change due to closely monitoring my diet and trying to engage in regular exercise (though I’ve been lax about that since Christmas). That body shape change has resulted in me dropping from size 14 jeans with no rear end to speak of to size 10 jeans with a rather attractive hiney. 🙂

Also, as the physical aspects of transition continue, it’s becoming harder and harder to pass as a male. A few weeks ago I went into the office (I work from home mostly) to pick up a new battery for the laptop. I tied my hair back in a ponytail and put on a cap, male polo shirt, and jeans (though they were women’s jeans) and headed to the office. I thought I had the “geeky guy” look going pretty well. People who knew me identified me as male but I got some odd looks that had me perplexed. Then on the way out the front door, a guy I’d never met from the second floor steps ahead of me, grabs the door handle, and says, “Let me get that for you, ma’am.” And suddenly I realized what the odd looks were for – people were looking at me, expecting male and thinking male but not seeing that.

That happened again that same evening, still dressed the same way going to dinner with my spouse. We were addressed as “you ladies” and I was addressed as “ma’am” multiple times even when not carrying a purse and trying to look male. I guess I’m hitting the “male fail” line now. 🙂

And I have another facial hair removal session in two weeks again in Dallas. The entire chin/lip area is getting very sensitive and while I can see a small overall reduction in total facial hair, it’s still pretty dense in those areas. I am hoping the fourth session in two weeks, and the fifth session in July will make a big dent in that.

My benefits coordinator at work continues to try to get a straight answer from our health insurance company about gender surgery. Nothing useful so far on that front. I do need to contact the other HR rep though, because I want to get moving on the official coming out meeting to my team mates. I don’t want to come in on a Friday, announce that I am trans and then show up on a Monday in a dress. I want them to have time to assimilate the idea, ask questions, and for it to become a non-issue. HR wants to bring in a third party coordinator for this but has not found someone they want to use yet so I may have to push a bit on that front.

Legal name and gender change (on driver’s license) is still on track for early fall. That’s been my plan and I am going to stick to that barring some financial catastrophe along the way. I can admit that I am already looking forward to seeing ‘Cara Elizabeth’ and ‘F’ on my driver’s license though.

So things are slowly progressing in the direction I want. I’m still probably 18 to 24 months out at least from GCS (or SRS as some call it). I’m holding off on voice surgery since my voice is now changing due to hormones alone, something that usually doesn’t happen on hormone therapy but can occur rarely. I think I will wait to see where my voice ends up before I decide on voice training versus voice surgery though if I had to pick today, the voice surgery would be my choice.

Anyway, life is generally ok. Not quite where I want it but not horrible either. My adult sons and their families continue to pretend I don’t exist but I can’t do anything about that. Their loss. My ancient 1998 Z-28 Camaro has required no serious repairs (yet) and looks ready to pass inspection for another year after a recent tuneup. I want a new car but I have other financial priorities at the moment so unless my hand is forced, the Z-28 is it for a few more years anyway.

And that’s where things are for the moment!


4 thoughts on “Some Good Things

  1. *
    Three cheers, Cara!

    You experienced exactly what you needed. That no matter how much you tried to present as male, others saw you as female. You passed the ‘passing’ test. That really bolstered your confidence, didn’t it. I do not know you, but I know exactly what you experienced and I’m so happy that I crying tears of joy for you. It was a major milestone in my transition and I’m sure it has been to yours.

    Yep – the feeling seeing your female name and ‘F’ on that licence is another milestone you will never forget. At some point you will not remember a day when your licence had your prior male name and ‘M’.

    I’m sorry to impose my personal perspective too far. I hope you do not require voice surgery. Every operation is a chance for mis-fortune. This is one of those possibilities. You mention that your hormones are changing your voice; that’s a good sign. Voice lessons help. You can practice by singing along to your favourite female singer and harmonise with her.

    Yes! Way to go!

    • My ENT sees me every 6 months to keep an eye on a lump on my thyroid. She’s told me that I’m one of the very rare ones who sees significant vocal cord change under HRT. Usually that doesn’t happen. So I think the voice surgery is very unlikely now, but I will say that alone among voice surgeons world wide, Dr. Kim, in Seoul, South Korea has an amazing track record and every woman I know who has gone there has had incredible results afterwards.

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